About six months ago, I almost moved to South Dakota. My husband and I had been having trials in our marriage which had been building. It began with me moving to the spare bedroom downstairs to packing my bags to leave. My biggest fear at the time was allowing myself to love someone – anyone. Doing that meant being vulnerable but it also meant possible failure. Often times if we feel that we are going to fail at something, we may quit to avoid all the negative emotions that come with that (shame, embarrassment, a broken heart). This technique had been working really well for me until the moment I stood in the spare bedroom with my husband. I remember how tired his grey blue eyes were as he looked at me with disappointment. When someone who loves you finally says “enough is enough.” It makes you stop and realize your actions. That is when I came back from South Dakota. That was the moment I started crying again, something I hadn’t done in a long time. To me, crying was only something that weak people did. I was strong! I didn’t need anyone. I could do it all on my own. Sadly though, that wasn’t the case. In that moment I realized that more then anthing, more then my husband, I needed God.
In the Book of Mormon there is a man who rejected the teachings of the church and worked to destroy it also. This man’s name was Alma the Younger. He was wicked and idolatrous. Alma the Younger worked very hard to lead people away from the truth. One day though, the Lord sent an Angel to Alma who explained that he had been sent in answer to the faithful prayers of Alma’s father. Alma was overcome by this experience. He began to repent of his past sins but somewhere he harbored guilt of who he used to be. But once he realized that he had been forgiven, he was filled with joy and his testimony only strengthened.
Sometimes we let our pasts hold us back. We let our mistakes define who we are and when we do that, we begin to think that change isn’t possible. Changing requires hard work, humility and courage. But change is the entire reason that Heavenly Father sent us here. He wants us to come back to him and that is possible through a relationship with God and his son Jesus Christ.
If she decided that the chaos of metamorphosis would be too much for her to handle, she would never know what she was to become. —- Rachel Hollis
Renewed Faith 